| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Miriam Binder |
Posted - 25/03/2007 : 14:55:41
I cannot promise that I'll get all of it but I'll try.
Attempting to transfer the thread in its entirety would mean hacking into the forums and as I don’t know how to do that, I thought the next best thing is to recreate the thread.
I apologise in advance to any and all posters who think I may have taken a liberty with their intellectual property … I have done my utmost to ensure that all posters are acknowledged. If I have inadvertently missed anyone out, please feel free to contact me and I shall put matters right.
Just one word of warning ... not all the links work but then, not all the links work on the original thread either.
|
| 30 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Dingo |
Posted - 19/03/2010 : 19:49:07
I thought I would highlight the rising levels of obesity with the use of a pie chart. |
| Dingo |
Posted - 19/03/2010 : 19:40:11
667- the neighbour of the beast |
| Dingo |
Posted - 19/03/2010 : 19:34:44
I couldn't find my favourite chocolate bar.
So I hired a bounty hunter. |
| Dingo |
Posted - 17/03/2010 : 20:00:25
My wife just trotted home on a 17.2 hands stallion.
I told her to get off her high horse. |
| Dingo |
Posted - 17/03/2010 : 19:56:22
My wife told me I suffer from a lack of imagination.
I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination".
That showed her. |
| Dingo |
Posted - 17/03/2010 : 19:52:26
Just a quick word of warning:
Beware. |
| EJH |
Posted - 17/03/2010 : 12:55:50
quote:
Originally posted by Dingo
Run your wife a nice hot bath, light some candles & pour some wine.
Then you've at least 40 mins on the playstation, plus a clean wife
That one Dingo cracked him right up. |
| Dingo |
Posted - 16/03/2010 : 20:30:38
I love Indian food, but tonight I ate so much it left me totally disoriented.
I didn't know if I was Cumin or Goan. |
| Dingo |
Posted - 16/03/2010 : 20:16:09
No surprise to see Binocular won the Champion Hurdle today, you could see it coming a mile off... |
| Dingo |
Posted - 15/03/2010 : 20:08:24
Apple will be releasing a new gadget exclusively for women later this year.
It's called the iRon. |
| Dingo |
Posted - 15/03/2010 : 20:03:12
Approverypriate
Sorry - that was very inappropriate. |
| Dingo |
Posted - 15/03/2010 : 20:00:13
I was reading this book on the anatomy of a pig.
Pretty standard, got to the end and found there to be a twist in the tale. |
| Dingo |
Posted - 15/03/2010 : 19:59:29
Run your wife a nice hot bath, light some candles & pour some wine.
Then you've at least 40 mins on the playstation, plus a clean wife |
| Dingo |
Posted - 12/03/2010 : 19:26:00
I hate having to tell people what my wife does for a living.
You would too if your wife sold sea shells by the sea-shore. |
| Dingo |
Posted - 12/03/2010 : 19:24:29
I got hit by a rental car today. Flippin hertz. |
| Dingo |
Posted - 11/03/2010 : 18:44:34
Q: What do you call 2 fish fingers playing hide and seek?
A: Findus ... |
| Dingo |
Posted - 10/03/2010 : 18:40:37
Someone keeps adding soil to my allotment overnight. It's an absolute mystery as to why though?
The plot thickens... |
| Dingo |
Posted - 10/03/2010 : 18:39:56
My motto is "Never say never."
Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto. |
| Dingo |
Posted - 09/03/2010 : 19:32:39
I put a couple of 't's in my beer last night.
I think it made it better. |
| Dingo |
Posted - 09/03/2010 : 19:31:10
I have an addiction to Cheddar cheese.
Although it's only mild. |
| Daveb |
Posted - 08/03/2010 : 20:17:28
There were five houses of religion in a small town:
The Presbyterian Church,
The Baptist Church,
The Methodist Church,
The Catholic Church and
The Jewish Synagogue.
Each church and Synagogue was overrun with pesky squirrels.
One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
In The BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week
The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
But -- The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.
Now they only see them on Christmas , Ash Wednesday, Palm Sunday and Easter.
Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue, but they took one squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they haven't seen a squirrel on the property since.
|
| Daveb |
Posted - 08/03/2010 : 20:12:28
The Obedient Wife
There was a man, who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, & was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife,” When I die, I want
you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.
Well, he died.
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,
"Wait just a moment!"
She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you were not foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I' m a Christian; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into
the casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?"
"I sure did," said the wife.
"I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a Cheque.....
If he can cash it, then he can spend it."
|
| Dingo |
Posted - 08/03/2010 : 19:00:41
I'm taking my wife to Spain for the bullfighting at the weekend.
I don't fancy the bull's chances to be honest. |
| Dingo |
Posted - 07/03/2010 : 20:25:56
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I've got schizophrenia,
And so do i. |
| Dingo |
Posted - 07/03/2010 : 20:22:07
I put a couple of 't's in my beer last night.
I think it made it better. |
| Dingo |
Posted - 07/03/2010 : 20:21:09
A boxer goes to the doctor's and tells the doctor he is having problems sleeping.
The doctor says, "Have you tried counting sheep?"
"Yes," replies the boxer, "but every time I get to nine, I get up." |
| Dingo |
Posted - 07/03/2010 : 13:16:05
Apple will be releasing a new gadget exclusively for women later this year.
It's called the iRon. |
| Dingo |
Posted - 05/03/2010 : 19:32:18
BBC news headline: 'Fire chief condemned over mineshaft death'
Where the hell was Skippy when we needed him? |
| Dingo |
Posted - 05/03/2010 : 19:30:54
Oh the Irony....
My predictive text doesn't know how to spell Nostradamus. |
| Dingo |
Posted - 04/03/2010 : 21:25:03
Roses are red, but there are also pink, white and yellow varieties
Violets aren't blue, they're violet, hence the name
I've got OCD
And my poetry skills are also lacking. |
