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Infinite Poppadum
Discworld
1236 Posts |
 Posted - 25/08/2007 : 09:21:42
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| And customers don't even get llams' milk. Poor old LTNS has messed up big time with this one. He'll never be able to show his face in Pouindland again. |
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Control Panel
Discworld
1166 Posts |
Posted - 25/08/2007 : 09:53:28
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| In order to increase its profits Greggs is trailling in certain areas the opportunity for customers to buy an extended warranty on such things pasties and tuna baguettes. Can't see that this work myself but no doubt Greggs die-hards will regard it as "added value" to know that their pasty is in safe, caring hands. |
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Captain Hawkeye
Barsoom
United Kingdom
391 Posts |
 Posted - 25/08/2007 : 10:01:03
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Apparently negotiations have started for a special release of Ang Lee's new film next year in Brighton. The proposal is to title the film Greggs , Caution.
Also involved in the negotiations, distribution of Greggs's pastries to be restricted to those over 17.
What is this Greggs ?
 
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Control Panel
Discworld
1166 Posts |
Posted - 25/08/2007 : 10:20:48
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Ang Lee's food films The Wedding Banquet and Eat Drink Man Woman would have been very different if they had incorporated Greggs' products.
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Infinite Poppadum
Discworld
1236 Posts |
Posted - 25/08/2007 : 10:34:13
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That scene in The Meaning of Life wold have been even grosser if he had been getting stuck into endless Greggs food. And The Discreet Charm of the Bourgoise's dinner even more surreal.
My Dinner From Greggs With André does not have the same ring to it. |
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Infinite Poppadum
Discworld
1236 Posts |
Posted - 25/08/2007 : 20:36:45
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| Mrs Poppadum enjoys Frankie and Johnny with Al Pacino as a cook and Michelle Pfeiffer as a waitress, and so she wonders whether romance has ever bloomed in a branch of Greggs - love among the pasties. Who knows what tendresse there might be out the back as they spoon the rationed tuna into the baguettes. |
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Horseman7
Barsoom
United Kingdom
147 Posts |
Posted - 25/08/2007 : 22:09:27
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I'm sticking with Layby Lil at Polegate.
50p for a big china mug of tea with a free refill.
A27 Heaven.
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Control Panel
Discworld
1166 Posts |
Posted - 27/08/2007 : 13:06:43
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| The Greggs experiment with an extended warranty will be good news as a guarantee when LTNS finally auctions his most prized examples of Greggs pasties on E-Bay, and as a result of the experiment Greggs is also considering a repair desk to which customers without the warranty can take their pasties if the casing cracks or the innards start to come loose. |
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Infinite Poppadum
Discworld
1236 Posts |
Posted - 28/08/2007 : 09:34:46
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So much for LTNS's efforts... This analyst advices reduce rather than hold shares in Greggs.
Greggs has peaked with a disgusting belch. |
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Infinite Poppadum
Discworld
1236 Posts |
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Infinite Poppadum
Discworld
1236 Posts |
Posted - 28/08/2007 : 12:39:14
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Looks as if LTNS is going to have to reach deeper for his gruesome pasties. Report here that the price of meat and veg will go up, as will dairy products because farmers can get more by flogging powdered milk to the Middle East.
How long until the 85p tea? Why does it alweays go up in 5p units? Strange.
http://business.guardian.co.uk/story/0,,2157479,00.html |
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Control Panel
Discworld
1166 Posts |
Posted - 28/08/2007 : 16:01:38
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| If anybody is making a pilgrimage to the Shoreham Truffles tomorrow, then there is a good organ concert at the church at one o'clock. No Greggs customers allowed! (God has his standards to maintain.) |
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long time no see
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6439 Posts |
Posted - 28/08/2007 : 16:33:04
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| There Is NO God. |
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Infinite Poppadum
Discworld
1236 Posts |
Posted - 28/08/2007 : 17:08:16
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LTNS has now broached the subject of theology.
He is now touching upon questions of good and evil, and predestination.
To put a contemporary angle on it: if there is a God, how did he allow London Road, Brighton, and one, moreover, which contains Greggs pasties and mayo. It is perhaps a fraudulent argument to say that the existence of Greggs and the pasties automatically precludes the existence of God - because God could have created Man and then left Man to get on with it, and Man has badly let down his Maker by creating the Greggs pasty with mayo. Anybody who goes into Greggs must find the phrase Paradise Lost going through the mind while surveying the shameless shelves of rubbish. |
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
5311 Posts |
Posted - 28/08/2007 : 17:14:01
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quote:
Originally posted by long time no see
There Is NO God.
I know dear ... there there and don't worry. The toothfairy is not realy either nor is the Easter bunny but someone somewhere still loves you. I'm sure of it. |
"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety" - Benjamin Franklin |
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The Duke of Uranus
Barsoom
293 Posts |
Posted - 28/08/2007 : 17:28:27
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quote:
Mrs Poppadum enjoys Frankie and Johnny with Al Pacino as a cook and Michelle Pfeiffer as a waitress, and so she wonders whether romance has ever bloomed in a branch of Greggs - love among the pasties. Who knows what tendresse there might be out the back as they spoon the rationed tuna into the baguettes.
Mrs Poppadum needs to see "The cook, the thief, his wife and her great value 75p 80p tea and baguette". |
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Control Panel
Discworld
1166 Posts |
Posted - 28/08/2007 : 17:47:45
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posted by long time no see
quote:
There Is NO God
But only a superhuman being could have created Greggs. It is beyond a mere mortal's ability. Unless of course Satan had a hand in it... |
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Infinite Poppadum
Discworld
1236 Posts |
Posted - 28/08/2007 : 17:53:10
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posted by The Duke of Uranus
quote:
Mrs Poppadum needs to see "The cook, the thief, his wife and her great value 75p 80p tea and baguette".
From what I've heard, that film contains scenes that might give Mrs Poppadum ideas that would be quite out of place in Portslade. This isn't Brighton, you know! |
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Control Panel
Discworld
1166 Posts |
Posted - 28/08/2007 : 18:10:29
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Jesus would have found feeding the 5000 with five loaves and two fishes a doddle compared with the challenge of stretching five Greggs tuna baguettes that far - even if a few pasties were thrown in as part of the miraculous materials.
He would have been very displeased by these 5p hikes in the price of tea. After all, it is writ in the Good Book - the Greggs Sandwich Development Manual - "the danish pastries shalt be 57p, not 60p". |
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long time no see
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6439 Posts |
Posted - 28/08/2007 : 18:18:51
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Infinite Poppadum
Discworld
1236 Posts |
Posted - 28/08/2007 : 19:39:18
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| That film was saved when George Harrison took over the financing of it, and he was later the inspiration for the Traveling Wilburys who have now got a strong connection with Greggs after LTNS aired his hobby horse of American spelling. |
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Infinite Poppadum
Discworld
1236 Posts |
Posted - 29/08/2007 : 07:12:46
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| I am surprised to find that Greggs does not do gift wrapping in its shops. They obviously think that nobody deems their products good enough to give to anybody. |
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long time no see
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6439 Posts |
Posted - 29/08/2007 : 09:37:07
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quote:
Originally posted by Infinite Poppadum
I am surprised to find that Greggs does not do gift wrapping in its shops. They obviously think that nobody deems their products good enough to give to anybody.
What A SNOB you are.
Life In The City. |
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Control Panel
Discworld
1166 Posts |
Posted - 29/08/2007 : 10:02:16
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| I'd have thought that even when the ungodly LTNS gives somebody a pasty as a present he would like to make it look a bit more special than just handing over a manky, greasy paper bag. Gift wrapping could prevent the grease from oozing through. |
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long time no see
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6439 Posts |
Posted - 29/08/2007 : 10:21:38
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Fresh Apple Danish
has no grease.
It is in a Bag that works.
Sign Of The Times. |
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
5311 Posts |
Posted - 29/08/2007 : 10:31:38
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quote:
Originally posted by long time no see
It is in a Bag that works.
What sort of job does it do? Or is it the sheer 'bagginess' of the Bag that is not to be called into question? And does this sheer 'baginess' only relate to fresh apple or can any other Danish rely on it? And another question, if I may? How fresh is the fresh apple? Is it a cheeky kind of freshness, pert and unintentionally promiscuous or is it the more experienced kind of freshness - lascivious in a tried and tested sort of way? |
"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety" - Benjamin Franklin |
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Infinite Poppadum
Discworld
1236 Posts |
Posted - 29/08/2007 : 11:11:36
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| In light of this, if LTNS gives the apple danish in its satisfactory bag to somebody as a present, it might be taken as an unduly suggestive offering and he risks a slap around the ears (and the danish banged over his head). |
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Infinite Poppadum
Discworld
1236 Posts |
Posted - 31/08/2007 : 16:31:56
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Mrs Poppadum is in the habit of reading aloud from books when the fancy takes her, and the other day she regaled the company with this, from Edward Docx's novel The Calligrapher which has a smart and fussy narrator to whom women are attracted:
"I left her to get dressed in privacy and tarried in the kitchen the better to give her time and space. In any case, making a cup of tea is not as quick or as straighforward a matter as it may at first seem. (Au sujet de: I must mention that my explorations in the magnificent garden world of tea came to an end two or three years ago when I at last beheld the regal splendour of Darjeeling. In my youth, I laboured on the pungent terraces of Assam - distracted, perhaps, by a certain brutal charm - until, in my middle twenties, I found myself quietly seduced by the more aromatic company offered by a passing Russian Caravan - still my favourite blend. Eventually, after further wanderings in both China and Celon, I pledged myself to lifelong service of the true Queen. Of course in my Lady Darjeeling's realm there are many mansions and it took me a few months of delicate experimentation to discover which of these was to be my chosen dwelling place. In the end, I settled on Jungpana, the tea garden of all tea gardens, and therefter I have served only the first flush from the upper slopes thereof - uniquely supplied, I should add, by the excellent Tea Flowery on Neugasse in Heidelberg.) No no no - making a cup of tea is by no means quick or straightforward. As with so much in life, it has become principally a matter of protracted disguise. Annette, for example, having lived in London for three years, was quite understandably more familiar with the muddy sludge of a mashed-in-the-mug teabag - that nameless mixture of grit, sand and wood chip so beloved of the curmudgeonly Britisher - and did not expect her tea to contain any trace of actual tea leaves at all. Consequently, my task was to arrange matters covertly by abandoning my usual methods of infusion in favour of stewing the ill-fated Jungpana to buggery before straining it from my treasured pot and into a mug, whereupon (tears gently welling) I added the required milk and sugar. In this way, I hoped she would not notice anything suspect and the unflustered mood of the morning would be preserved. I even went so far as to take a little milk myself."
As Mrs Poppadum said, the girl waiting in the bedroom was evidently not a connoisseur of tea, whatever her other qualities may have been, but, all the same, she was not somebody to be fobbed off with a takeaway from Greggs. |
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Infinite Poppadum
Discworld
1236 Posts |
Posted - 02/09/2007 : 16:03:16
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| Over at LTNS's place the cat is having its monthly wash in honour of the television set being turned on early so that its valves are in full working order, really warmed up for the great day tomorrow - Monday - when Phoenix Nights actor Paddy McGuiness is in the first broadcast of Greggs’ £1.5 million autumn advertising campaign. This is during ITV1’s Hell’s Kitchen, and there will be further showings later in the week. There is no news whether McGuiness will be laying particular emphasis upon the tuna baguettes but perhaps Greggs wishes to draw a veil over those. |
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Control Panel
Discworld
1166 Posts |
Posted - 03/09/2007 : 12:47:48
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Somebody here has a site with a big picture of a Greggs paper bag and a complaint about Cardiff and other towns all being full of Greggs shops.
There is also a theory that Greggs puts crack in its pasties. Hence their popularity, and this has led to comments below.
http://www.blipfoto.com/view.php?id=48932&month=8&year=2007
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New Greggs London Road (original thread)
Topic Locked