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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
Posted - 25/03/2007 : 21:12:23
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Originally posted by katz
very funny, didn't like 'August' though- poor cat!
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
Posted - 25/03/2007 : 21:15:26
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Originally posted by uno mirena
Sniglets - credited to comedian Rich Hall - new words to add to English language.
arachnidiot (ar ak NI di ot) - n. A person, who, having wandered into an "invisible" spider web begins gyrating and flailing about wildly.
alponium (al PO nee um) - n. (chemical symbol: Ap) Initial blast of odor upon opening a can of dog food.
blibula (BLIH byu luh) - n. The spot on a dog's stomach which, when rubbed, causes his leg to rotate wildly.
bovilexia (bo vil EKS e uh) - n. The uncontrollable urge to lean out the car window and yell "Moo!!" every time you pass a cow.
nistols ( NIZ tolz) - n. The small rubbery pads on the bottom of a dog's paw.
pupkus (PUP kus) - n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
rovalert (RO val urt) - n. The system whereby one dog can quickly establish an entire neighborhood network of barking.
schnuffel (SCHNUF ul) - n. A dog's practice of continuously nuzzling your crotch in mixed company.
twinch (twinch) - n. The movement a dog makes with its head when it hears a high-pitched noise.
Some useful sniglets around the house:
bathquake (BATH kwake) - n. The violent quake that rattles the entire house when the water faucet is turned to a certain point.
bleemus (BLEE mus) - n. The disgusting film on the top of soups and cocoa that sit out for too long.
blithwapping (BLITH wap ing) - v. Using anything BUT a hammer to hammer a nail into the wall, such as shoes, lamp bases, door stops, etc.
blivett (BLIH vit) - v. To turn one's pillow over and over, looking for the cool spot.
burbulation (ber byu LAY shun) - n. The obsessive act of opening and closing a refrigerator door in an attempt to catch it before the little automatic light comes on.
carperpetuation (KAR pur pet u a shun) - n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum ONE MORE CHANCE.
clumfert (KLUM furt) - n. The invisible extra step at the top and bottom of a staircase. Usually materializes when one is carrying a large bag of groceries.
Some sniglets related to cars and driving:
accordionated (ah KOR de on ay tid) - adj. Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.
aeropalmics (ayr o PALM iks) - n. The study of wind resistance conducted by holding a cupped hand out the car window.
bargarcs (BAR jarks) - n. The streaks on a car's windshield from faulty wipers.
brattled (BRAT uld) - adj. The unsettling feeling, at a stoplight, that the busload of kids that just pulled up beside you is making fun of you.
curbswell (KERB swel) - n. A seismic condition in which the curb on the passenger side of a car will rise and wedge a car door. The passenger must then climb out and stand on the curb until the swelling goes down.
dasho (DA show) - n. The area between a car's windshield and dashboard, where coins, pencils, etc. cannot be humanly retrieved.
hempannant (HEM pan ent) - n. Any coattail, cuff, or dress hem dangling outside the door of a moving vehicle.
ignisecond (IG ni sek und) - n. The overlapping moment of time when the hand is locking the car door even as the brain is saying "my keys are in there!"
Seven more favourites:
bobblogesture (bah blo JES cher) - n. The classroom activity of not knowing an answer but raising one's hand anyway (after determining a sufficient number of other people have also raised their hands, thus reducing the likelihood of actually being called on).
chingrip (CHIN grip) - n. The area where the chin meets the neck. Used for holding the pillow when slipping on a pillowcase.
choconiverous (chahk o NIV ur us) - adj. The tendency when eating a chocolate Easter bunny to bite off the head first.
disconfect (dis kon FECT) - v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will "remove" all the germs.
dublectate (duh BLEK tayt) - v. To misplace one's eyeglasses and eventually discover them atop one's head.
elbonics (el BON iks) - n. The action of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
frust (frust) - n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
IT-related sniglets:
giffery: the significant part of each day when a web master plays around with image editing software instead of doing more important work.
http://www.unwords.com/
http://www.ccs.neu.edu/home/maddog/stuff/sniglets.html
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
Posted - 25/03/2007 : 21:22:53
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Originally posted by diamondgeezer
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
Posted - 25/03/2007 : 21:28:38
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Originally posted by Rundaddy
"Mr. Gorsky"
A true story supposedly...
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon,
he not only gave his famous "one Small step for Man, One Giant Leap for Mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, usual communication traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control.
Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark:
"Good luck Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky"
statement meant.
On July 5, 1995 in Tampa Bay FL, while answering questions following
a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbor's bedroom window. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Oral sex! You want oral sex?!
You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
Posted - 25/03/2007 : 21:29:31
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Originally posted by The Duke of Uranus
Arf, anti leech in full effect 
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 12:52:03
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Originally posted by Miriam Binder
Oh, I love it. 'Good luck Mr Gorsky'. Fantastic!!!
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 12:55:52
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] Originally posted by cgull
i can still imagine Mrs Gorsky shouting "I meant next door the other side".
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 12:57:59
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Originally posted by Nazdrowie
http://newmusic.co.za/humor/
Click on pick for big image.
I love 'em,think they are great.But I am easily pleased
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 13:20:02
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Originally posted by sonic
Surely someone can introduce real humour? Why did the Num cross the road? Retorts welcome...
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 13:23:04
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Originally posted by Fluffy Sheep
Uno Mirena, great `sniglets`. But the Mr. Gorsky thing is the funniest thing I`ve read for ages.
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 13:24:02
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Originally posted by Samurai Penny
Well, "Synic", why don't you try your hand at funnies, instead of complaining? Or are we boring you again?
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 13:36:20
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Originally posted by Miriam Binder
You know what they say Penny, those who do, get on with it, those who can't teach or critique.
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 13:36:54
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Originally posted by Lurker
Yes.
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 13:47:22
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] Originally posted by miffy
I've been finding this strangely amusing. . .
http://grouphug.us/random
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 13:53:16
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Originally posted by Lurker
Brill! BeachB
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 13:54:57
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] Originally posted by Nazdrowie
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
> 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
> 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
> 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the
> second person.
> 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
> 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
> 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
> 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
> 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
> 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
> 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
> 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jelly to a tree.
> 2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
> 3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
> 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
> 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
> 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
> 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
> 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
> 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down
> there.
> 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair
> that you once got from a roller coaster.
> 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask
> you the questions.
> 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
> 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
> 1) You believe in Santa Claus.
> 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
> 3) You are Santa Claus.
> 4) You look like Santa Claus.
SUCCESS:
> At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
> At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
> At age 18 success is . . having a drivers license.
> At age 20 success is . . . going all the way.
> At age 35 success is . . . having money.
> At age 50 success is . . having money.
> At age 60 success is . . .. going all the way.
> At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
> At age 75 success is . . having friends.
> At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 13:56:03
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Originally posted by Miriam Binder
Many a truth spoken in jest Naz. I love the mighty oak one and think I may adopt it at some stage.
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 13:56:56
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Originally posted by Miriam Binder
Many a truth spoken in jest Naz. I love the mighty oak one and think I may adopt it at some stage.
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Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6155 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 13:57:42
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Originally posted by diamondgeezer
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing several applicants demonstrate their skill, he had decided to call it a day. Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!" "No matter," said the man. "Observe!" And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.
But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through,one of them sked "Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied,
"BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL"...
There's more.............
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother for the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty."
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.
Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief of this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened? Who is the man?" the first monk asked breathlessly.
"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, but............."
HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER
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Dingo's Humour Thread
