| Author |
Topic |
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 21:42:28
|
Originally posted by Miriam Binder
Hartelijke en gezellige Kerstdagen en een genoeglijke Nieuw Jaar. |
 |
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 21:43:03
|
Originally posted by diamondgeezer
They say board games are hot this Christmas , is this going to be a favourite with our chavvie friends
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 21:44:02
|
Originally posted by long time no see
DG - You are in Breach of International Copyright.
But other than that
Very Good Work Of Art.
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 21:44:43
|
Originally posted by Miriam Binder
quote:
Originally posted by long time no see
DG - You are in Breach of International Copyright.
But other than that
Very Good Work Of Art.
And a merry Christmas to you DG
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 21:45:37
|
Originally posted by diamondgeezer
LOL
And it is not even my artwork , the game is on sale in all walmart stores apparently
merry Christmas to you all
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 21:46:41
|
Originally posted by long time no see
quote:
Originally posted by diamondgeezer
LOL
And it is not even my artwork , the game is on sale in all walmart stores apparently
merry Christmas to you all
Good One.
"It came from Me
But I never Produced it - Your Honour."
Walmart can not sell it is has a 18 age limit.
They sell to Shouting Kids with Over worked Mums.
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 21:47:30
|
Originally posted by uno mirena
Zen Judaism
Let go of pride, ego, and opinions. Admit your errors and forgive those of others. Relinquishment will lead to calm and healing in your relationships. If that doesn't work, try small claims court.
Though only your skin, sinews, and bones remain, though your blood and flesh dry up and wither away, yet shall you meditate and not stir until you have attained full Enlightenment. But, first, a little nosh.
Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health or a life without problems. What would you talk about?
Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?
There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
The Torah says, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." The Buddha says there is no "self." So, maybe you are off the hook.
If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
Do not let children play contact sports like football. These only lead to injuries and instill a violent, warlike nature. Encourage your child to play peaceful games, like "sports doctor."
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single "oy."
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 21:48:52
|
Originally posted by Samurai Penny
Amen-oy to that, Uno!
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 21:49:36
|
Originally posted by Miriam Binder
I should be so lucky already
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 21:50:29
|
Originally posted by Tombstone Blues
KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER
(the actual AP headline)
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while she was there she went out to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.
One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and>she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.
When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.
Linda is a blonde, but I'm certain that's not relevant.
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 21:51:42
|
Originally posted by Miriam Binder
Oh oooooh, I LOVE it!!! Fancy sitting there for over an hour holding a lump of dough ...... oh this is tooooooooooo much.
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 21:52:38
|
Originally posted by beachbum
real life always the most funny cool one TB
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 21:59:06
|
Originally posted by april
A chap went to the doctors and said "I think my wife is deaf." The doctor told him how to test her. On arriving home the chap opened the front door and called "what is for tea?" No answer. He went into the living room and called "what is for tea? No answer. He went into the kitchen stood behind her and said "what is for tea?" His wife replied "I've told you three times Fish Fingers".
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 22:01:59
|
Originally posted by Lurker
The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors.
They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are
the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of
humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in
Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.
Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross,
straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can
scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 26/03/2007 : 22:04:45
|
Originally posted by Miriam Binder
I've read these before but they never fail to make me smile
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 27/03/2007 : 08:26:22
|
Originally posted by Lurker
Humour tends to get recirculated does it not?
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 27/03/2007 : 08:27:10
|
Originally posted by Miriam Binder
It's hard to keep a good joke down.
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 27/03/2007 : 08:27:52
|
Originally posted by sonic
A good joke down? Imagine Letitcia, going...
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 27/03/2007 : 08:29:25
|
Originally posted by Miriam Binder
As single minded as ever I see.
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 27/03/2007 : 08:30:57
|
Originally posted by Lurker
Diverse thoughts.
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
I had amnesia once -- maybe twice.
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.
If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses side-saddle.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible.... and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a Motorway
Two can live as cheaply as one ... for half as long.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
One nice thing about egotists... they don't talk about other people.
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
My weight is perfect for my height.... which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
The high cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help "groups"?
Is there another word for synonym?
The speed of time is one second per second.
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What's another word for thesaurus?
Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
I went into a general store, but I couldn't buy anything specific.
I spilled some spot remover on my dog; now She's gone.
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 27/03/2007 : 08:32:03
|
Originally posted by Lurker
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 27/03/2007 : 08:33:08
|
Originally posted by Lurker
Excellent Mali
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 27/03/2007 : 08:33:48
|
Originally posted by Lurker
Wrong string maybe? Or is that humour? Dear april you need focussing. Bless, how old are you child?
Oh it's gone.
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 27/03/2007 : 08:34:36
|
Originally posted by april
quote:
Originally posted by Lurker
Wrong string maybe? Or is that humour? Dear april you need focussing. Bless, how old are you child?
OK sorry I got it wrong and I am 70 years old won't do the wrong posting again.
|
|
|
|
Miriam Binder
Earthsea
United Kingdom
6047 Posts |
Posted - 27/03/2007 : 08:35:15
|
Originally posted by Lurker
Excellent, are you in a nursing home? If yes I will be more gentle with you. Carry on, bless.
|
|
|
|
Topic |
|
Dingo's Humour Thread
